Illness experience VII: Bits and pieces, here and there

I remember my first night at the hospital. Thud, thud, thud ... footsteps in the middle of the night, when I was drowsy. I couldn’t see the faces, though. Sometimes, those quick steps came to the foot end of the bed and then turned back. Sometimes, they stopped there for a very brief moment, and then moved away. Sometimes, they didn't come as close. They paused a few steps short of my bed, as if the nurse had come to think about something, and then, when still a couple of steps away from the bed, was satisfied with whatever was on her mind when she started that trip. Then, the sound of footsteps faded away again.

It happened so very often. I kept thinking that they must be coming to check on me, to make sure they had completed all of the required tasks. It was interesting to notice this as a patient. I was not alarmed. For a moment, I considered whether it might have been a ghost or something. I was not afraid. I could perfectly picture the nurses’ actions and motions in my head. They were all too familiar. I had done that lots and lots of times. But I thought to myself, what about older or more superstitious people. Would they ever wonder about these footsteps in the middle of the night? Funny enough, I was never woken by the thud, thud thuds again after surgery. Mostly, I slept through the night, except when it was time to have my blood pressure taken.

I was truly annoyed by the four-hourly blood pressure monitoring. Wasn't it obvious, after the second day, that I was perfectly fine? These actions did not make good sense to me. The Dinamap is also terrible as a BP machine. I never realized it could make people so uncomfortable. It blows the pressure high and then takes a long time for the air and pressure to be released, so your arm is under pressure for a long time. I couldn't imagine how patients feel who need to have their BP taken hourly or half-hourly.

Also, I was not so impressed by the nurses. Other than those who came to visit because they had been asked to by an acquaintance, very few nurses came by to see how I was doing. Well, they did ask how I was doing, but that was just checking on me, and I could feel no caring. The cleaning staff and health care aides were so much better—more caring—than people in the health care business. When they spoke, they were polite, they made small talk and showed that they cared. But not the students or staff nurses. The nurses were merely doing their jobs. I thought the health care aides were excellent healthcare aides, but the nursing staff was so-so. Throughout my four days of being hospitalized, I could have been cared for without nurses, but I am only speaking on behalf of myself as a relatively well and mobile patient. I do not know about other patients on the unit who required a lot of nursing care.

While at the hospital, I noticed that there was too much talk about how the public health system was abused by the general public. This was not my experience. When I was with Amanda in the seating area, waiting to be admitted for surgery, it became clear that lots of ordinary looking people like us—not particularly well dressed, and seemingly not very rich—were using private services, such as this hospital. It showed me that many people would pay out of their own pocket to get better care if they could.

As I went through various facets of the private health care system, I learnt that things sped up because I was paying for private service. It took just over two weeks for me to get diagnosed, get a second opinion, complete further investigation, choose a surgeon, fix a day and book my operation-room time slot. I felt somewhat uncomfortable because I was aware that many people cannot afford the luxury of faster service. I came to doubt my former notion that those who can afford private services still abuse the public sector.

Another thing that made a deep impression on me was Sister Woo's direct instructions about what I should and should not do to take care of myself. Her practical tips helped me a lot. Since I do not usually teach basic nursing, I found myself comforted by these practical tips and the direct approach ordinary people take to care for one another. I tend to offer advice but leave it up to the person whether to take it. Sister Woo helped me understand that, sometimes, it is also helpful to give direct advice. It is at least comforting, even though not always useful.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.