Engagement in life

I came across a new term, “the potentialist,” in an inflight magazine aboard Air Canada on my annual visit to Toronto to see my mother. A potentialist is someone who lives life to the fullest. I love the idea. The magazine was describing a couple who, in late adulthood, have found new meaning in life and want to spend every minute of it doing meaningful things, such as tapping into their physical potential, combining vacation with charitable activities, and so on. This is admirable. I have a lot of respect for such an attitude toward life. But wouldn’t it be extremely tiring as well?

There is a Chinese saying about the careful use of time that we all learnt when we were small. I don’t think elementary schools teach these things nowadays, because I have never heard kids talk about it. “An inch of time is like an inch of gold. Yet, an inch of gold cannot buy an inch of time.” What an apt description, if you truly love time.

As children, we were indoctrinated into believing the idea that we shouldn’t waste time. I would feel terribly guilty if I wasted any significant blocks of time. I love to account for things I do. Checking off tasks on a list gives me a sense of control and, more importantly, a sense of accomplishmentand the confidence that I have not wasted my life away.

Yet, I am aware that I am not that self-disciplined. I have wasted and still do waste my time every now and then, largely by doing nothing, doing silly things, or doing things that are unimportant while many more-important tasks lie there awaiting my attention. I can’t help it. I am only human.

I bet nurses are all more or less alike. We multitask a great deal, we hate to waste time and we like to check items off lists. Although, when I think about it, I don’t know if it is because we are nurses, or the fact that most nurses are female, that we exhibit such behavioral characteristics. Quite honestly, I can’t tell.

Coming back to where I started, I would love to be a potentialist sometimes, maybe more often than not. Still, not all the time. Not for me.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Are we set in our ways?

Are we set in our ways when we grow old? Do we become more stubborn in our old age? People ask questions about the possibility of changes in personality in older age.

Stage theorists maintain that personality changes over time, as a person progresses from one stage to another. Trait theorists argue that personality is stable, and cite personality-inventory studies indicating that a person’s traits remain stable during adulthood.

Life-span theorists of human development pose that human beings have considerable potential for becoming what they want to become and accomplish in a lifetime. However, other theorists suggest it is people’s habits that change—habits related to health, vigor, responsibilities and life circumstances—and not their basic personalities. In short, the foregoing can be interpreted to mean that many so-called personality differences are generational.

Is it not reassuring, then, to know that the theory that “as one grows older, one becomes more stubborn” has been debunked? If we are flexible and adaptable when we are young, we will still be flexible and adaptable when we grow old. If we are rigid in our ways at a young age, we will likely remain so as we accumulate years in life.

It is unfair to associate old age with stubbornness. The other message to take home is that, to better prepare for old age, we should nurture open-mindedness and adaptive coping responses.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

Fast-changing images

My eldest sister used to live in Wanchai, on the island of Hong Kong. She died of stomach cancer in March 2010. Because she lived there for so many years after getting married—not in the same apartment but in the same district—I knew the area pretty well, too, because I visited her often, ever since I was a child.

I knew the streets, the buildings and the shops. I still go to my sister’s place, because that is where my cousins live. Because I visit the area quite often, I can usually follow the changes that are occurring in the landscape.

I wasn’t quite prepared for what I saw one day, though. Traveling on the tram from Central to Wanchai, I tried to look outside the tram window, through a packed carriage full of passengers, to see if I had reached my stop. I knew I would be close. I was somewhat taken aback by the view of an unfamiliar landscape. The shops and neon lights that met my eyes were unfamiliar to me. Where were the places I once knew?

As in all fast-growing economies, Hong Kong is one of the places in the world that undergoes frequent and rapid changes to her city landscape.

If I become sentimental about lost images in a city, what is it like for our senior citizens? Whenever I teach introductory concepts of age and aging, I ask my students to try to imagine what seniors in their 80s or 90s must have gone through. A senior who is 90 years of age would have gone through the First World War, the Second World War, the war against Japanese occupation (1937-45), the Chinese Civil War (1945-49) and the Cultural Revolution of China (1966-76).

I try to help my students understand why seniors like to save and not waste anything, and why they go a long way to save a few pennies. I hope that, through such reflections, young people will come to appreciate that such “odd” behaviors represent strengths, not weaknesses. However, I have never asked my students to imagine the landscape changes seniors have seen in their lifetimes.

If we consider for a moment what seniors have gone through, it must be a most amazing experience. They have been to places we have not and seen things we have not. We should know, therefore, that all seniors likely have something to teach us, regardless of their background or educational level.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.