On uselessness and being

I saw a couple in my Health and Cognitive Assessment Clinic one day. It was the husband who needed to come, upon the urging of his daughter. However, it was clear that the wife needed help, too.

Her physical health was greatly compromised 15 years ago as a result of complications from spinal surgery. She had been through great pain. She told us that, if it hadn’t been for her husband and her children, she would have been dead a long time ago. As we talked more, she became sad. She said she was coping well, because she didn’t talk about something that had happened to her. Whenever she would talk about this experience with someone, she would cry.

She didn’t go out, except for grocery shopping, and pretty much restricted her social activity to her small family circle. She told me how great her children were, supporting her both emotionally and financially. Her husband, in spite of minor memory problems, took good care of her. She pretty much couldn’t do anything for herself now, except take responsibility for her own hygiene. Her husband did the cooking and all the rest of the household chores. She was sad, feeling totally useless.

She didn’t know that her worth was in her being.

I wish all seniors knew that their worth is in their being. Just being there is good enough. Just being there and allowing their loved ones to serve them is a good and useful existence. Imagine the children’s loss and feeling of emptiness and loneliness at not having a mother, or a husband at having lost his wife—it is unbearable. Think of the joy and satisfaction of the children when they are able to take care of their beloved parents.

I sometimes think of one day losing my mother, who is now in her 80s. My father passed away a long time ago; when my mother dies, there will be no vertical lineage that I can claim. I will be all by myself, even though I have siblings. I will be someone without a mother. The mere thought makes me feel disconnected in this world.

Imagine the peace of mind and sense of completeness of a child at having a parent for whom he or she loves to care. Worthiness of existence is not counted by what we can or cannot do, but simply by who we are.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.